Edutainment with Ranting

I have come to a harsh realization, it has been more than 4 years since I considered myself happy with a woman for more than a few weeks. This has not all been my doing but the last several relationship failures can be laid squarely at my feet. Ok not all of then Irene was not my fault, and Ashley but really I don’t feel like I am approaching things with anything approaching an open mind. I find fault and fault and fault and I want out. As if I am such a prize.

I feel like I am, I am supporting and do my best to be a caring person. But I am an asshole too about alot of things. Its and odd dicotomy Nice and an Ass neither in sufficient quanity to arouse interest in the women folk. I am sad that things keep not working out but not so much that I am willing to change anything about me, I am ME dammit and I will change for no person.

But I have changed, I am the guy I am because I have been shaped by my friends (And Former Friends) into the dynamic creature of lunacy I am today. Not all of it good mind you but all in all I am doing pretty damn well.

The childern haunt me tho. Alot. I think of the family that could have been and I look at my solitary existence and I feel empty. I feel like what I want is different from most of the people I know these days and even from the people I date, I want a family I want to find someone who wants to have me for the rest of thier lives and raise the wee ones with me. But what I meet at school are young women just reaching thier pace seeking love and romance and affection. I want these things as well but they are not the modivator for why I seek women merely a pleasant side effect of it.

Fuck I have gone on like this before but in these wee hours, especially when I have been around those of my friends who share or shared something I am reminded. I am happy for them and their joy but in someways I am sad for myself.

Ok the blog was down for awhile due to server “Issues” but we are back and maybe even black… A little.

Now for a rant.

What is with people and being unable to drive I will admit I make errors now and again like anyone but some of the folks blundering around these streets blow me away.  People like “Merge Into Me Guy” what can you not see the massive White Truck beside you? Do you only have remedial skills in side vision? Or “Stop Signs are for people with smaller cars” lady. Yes way to go you have a nissan Armada the most grossly over sized SUV ever, this does not grant you special immunity to stop signs and lights also shoulder checking should be done more do to the cololsal size of your blind spot but you don’t you need to drive you screaming whelps to school so you can go back to having rough sex with the gardner. Gaa

I am not as ranty as I thought. I am sick as hell tho, missed work today and I dunno how I am for tommorow but I need money to live so crippling stomach pain or not I need to go in. I hate this “flu” shit nothing worse than waking up to puke all over your bed, and then spend half the damn night cleaning up so you can sleep, real big fan = me. I want to go back to sleep but then I dunno if I will make it thru the night so for now I tough it out awake.

I have a small car again a 4banger a species I have lacked since the LAST time I bought my grandparents old car, she may be old but my limited / Hippie levels of driving will not be any large strain on her. As an added bonus my grandparents bought it NEW so I know any and everything it has ever done. It does need work but its all well within my limited capeablities. I was hoping to drive to work but Frank apparently needs his car durring the day so I guess my attempt to help out is for naught. But I am TOTALLY driving to my parents for Laundry Gas is less than 4 bucks a load

and I could swear I had more T-Shirts before I moved…. Oh Gawd they are in the bags in the closet. In other news I am thinking of getting rid of some of my clothes from Jr.High… but then I thought the better of it, I mean I was fat then if I get into shape now I can wear them again. No? well I don’t like throwing shit out.

I love the Job and I am hoping that soon I will have a NEW TRUCK, because A/C would be heaven I mean when my old lil car has ice cold A/C why doesn’t my work Truck.

I need more fans

I have not had as much fun having my players slam dunk my villans honor in years if ever.

Its too hot to write paragraphs and now it is bed time.