Edutainment with Ranting

Dropping Poli Sci thursday nights because Its boring long and something I can take later, also I am already a nut case and it does not help. I am ready for work but kinda of embarassed for losing my temper so completely in the work place, not to say it wasn’t cathartic at the time but it was not in the persona I try to maintain at work.

I am nay I beleive I have past my snap point. The stray on the camels back is the destruction of my cell due to work. I had to leave early yesterday cause I couldn’t calm it down. I was well pretty much enraged and I said ” I am done” put on my coat and left. Best of all it was AFTER I was SUPPOSED to be off but my employers seem unable to follow basic directions like “I need to be off at 4 to catch my bus.”. I bruised the hell out of my wrist pounding on the the wall and between that and my finger ( Which forturnately was not as mangled as it initially appeared) typing is a pain in my ass. The good news is my Blood pressure is thru the roof and the Ol pain receptors are less than fully operational.

I feel trapped in my own life right now, and it is mostly due to the issues with my student loans. Looking at my budget I had made for the loans I seem to have DRASTICALLY overestimated my income from work plus the Chem 101 issue placing me in literal financial straits.

I can feel it boiling below the surface like lava. This frustration. Anger.

Heather used to say “Anger is just depression and Saddness” and I always remember that when I take at turn to the rage. I like to say it makes me a little more objective than I might previously have been about it seeking reasons instead of lashing out randomly. Best of all I just want to walk away from everything and I can’t. I have a responsiblity to my game my friends and to myself. But GAWD am I tempted to just wander off to somewhere else and just sit.

I’m not doing class today. To much chance of a stupidity related explosion. Thank gawd I don’t have Hist today, cause honestly I would kill that talky son of a bitch.

I gotta get under control but in the meantime I am worried about lashing out for things that don’t deserve it. Not that talky guy doesn’t deserve it but rather that I don’t want to Snap more when I am in the snapping state.

Its kinda scary tho, last night my mother was talking about how she didn’t understand how I got this angry and my Old man said “Its all there on your back and then something like that happens and you think I can’t have nice things and suddenly all the little piss offs and worries are this massive load in your mind and you need to lash out to hit something ANYTHING to get the frustration out of you or you feel like your gonna explode.” I am after all my fathers son.

This one seems pretty disjointed and I don’t care…. its how I am right now.

Electrecuted, butchered my finger and broke my cell.

Anger I have not felt in years rushing out

this is why I cannot have nice things.

Ran into Jay and beer made it better.

I had a sleepover at my house last night complete with movies makeup and pointless gaming…..

Money is still an issue

working on it

This Classics class although killing me with boredom, at least allows me to keep up on my blogging activities, I mean have I even been at once a week for posts in sometime, let alone twice. Breaking my mind here is that we are watching a movie best of all she claims we will be examined upon. Oh man Nazi’s.

Anyhow the Poli Sci class after work thing was thus far a sucess, I made it anyhow. The Profs voice is sing song going up and down its totally mind numbing. Myself I am really dreading being there for 3 hours I mean this one hour class is killing me. Imagine 3 times that.

We play a game at work, where we give 3 things in a film and we guess the film. I may start putting the good ones up here. Maybe, The lady stuff is getting me down AGAIN but hopely I will get over it.

Wow really city states and a discussion of peloponesian climate, so this is what I get for taking a 200lvl class in my 3rd year. Best of all last year I took the 400 on this SAME subject. Lurvly I know, best of all with the same prof and with me getting my mass hate on towards her best of all I have learned to type while looking at her allowing me to blog while appearing to be tyoing notes of course she hasn’t said anything of interst yet but the appearance is there. Ah the skills learned to effectivly dog it in a boring class.

There is a freaking Blizzard here in Edmonton today, not just snow but an essential white out complete with stuck busses and general clustfuckery. I really wish I had my Post-Apocolyptic war waggon at my current home but alas the Lincoln resides at my parents making it beyond my current reach.

Due to Labs not starting till the end of this month I am essentially done at the end of this class for the day, I am thinking of getting the rest of my texts finding someone for lunch and hiding out in my Apt till the bad times end. My class schedule goes 8-9 Chem 101 9-10 Studies of Classical Boredom then on Monday 1-4 (Actually 3) Hist 474: French Canadian Historography (Which would be great if the chatty idiot from my Classics class last term wasn’t in it) then labs this afternoon and on thursday after work from 6-9 I have either Pol Sci 101 or Soc 101 I cannot remember and to be honest I just don’t care.

I am now running 2 games and am playing in 2 games. This is a good situation for this point in the semester and should be a maintainable level of recreation with the end of football this month. I am playing in Jarreds Deadlands game and I have not had this much fun in YEARS.

I am going to leave this at this as I do not want to spend the WHOLE class blogging but I may post later to expand on one of  these subjects. Or not. Whatever.