Oh wow am I feeling it today, I have all my papers ready for my request of monies and I am actually in class after missing Classics all last week and now now the Anxiety is like a wave on my subconcious. I am unable to fit in. I will never belong and those that do will judge me from here to the end of time in all things.
I need to calm down. I really REALLY want to flee. Christine is here but as the last few weeks show we are apparently not Kwel. Nay we are the opposite of that. In fact I seem to be unworthy of conversation all together. To think I stayed in this class just to hang out with her and instead of being well friendly I just seem not to exist.
Ok
Ok
Many situations will be solved today and with the Judicious applicaton of work I should be Ok in all my classes. SHOULD BE. I have no idea what I am doing in anything but my seminar class and there I am of the belief that I completly suck ass. Wunderbar. Great now I am free ranting. Well maybe not a bad thing.
What the hell is going on with me, I get hit with a series of bad times and I just fill up I mean how long has these feelings been present in my subconcious before I snapped and its not like I am feeling more in control now than last week. I keep feeling like I am a full glass of frustration and aggitation. The slightest drop of additional material and I am a massive snapshow again. I just want to scream and yell at everything and it is a constant temptation to just beat myself into unconciousness. I just want to lash out and no one deserves it but me so why not hit myself. That way only those who deserve to be harmed will be. Yes it makes perfect sense. It looks like I need to get help again. A little bit of Medimication and I will be back down to learning crazy instead of incoherent freakshow crazy I am sitting in class before it starts and I want to yell at people what the hell. I am like Hormonal or something.
I want to leave here, this class… these people NOW.
I have already missed so much class I feel utterly useless.
Best of all I am now sure Nath is pissed at me adding to the fun times in a way that is hard to describe. I am the man alone again and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time.